Apres avoir perdu la proposition d'une petite fille que nous avions rencontré il y a 3 ans et demi...
Après avoir attendu que le gouvernement de dote d'une loi plus adéquate pour l'adoption internationale...
Apres avoir attendu que notre agence soit accrédité par les autorités Kirghize...
Apres avoir rencontré une petite fille de 15 mois et l'avoir visité pendant 15 jours
Après tout cela ...
Le pays pourrait a nouveau fermé ses portes a l'adoption Internationale... UN NOUVEAU MORATOIRE POURRAIT A NOUVEAU TOUT COMPROMETTRE
Voici l'histoir de Roxane qui a été publié dans les journaux locaux en République Kirghize et qui résume tout le calvaire que ces enfants vivent et continueront de vivre parce que personne ne se soucient d'eux.
The Russian original article was published in K-News (July 27, 2012):
http://www.knews.kg/ru/society/19564/
Can Kyrgyzstan maximize the well-being of her orphaned children?
A plea for help from Nikita’s mother
Roxana de la Sablonnière, Ph.D.
University of Montreal
This article is dedicated to Nikita
I never write about my personal life, nor about my personal experiences, even on Facebook. I am
not the kind to post photos of her last vacation and distribute them widely. Nor am I inclined to brag
about any successes I may have been lucky enough to achieve. I don’t even talk about the
competition my nephew won this last weekend. I am normally a reserved, somewhat introverted and
discrete person. Like many of my friends from Kyrgyzstan, I avoid talking about myself. What I am
is a social scientist, a psychology professor at a Canadian university, who teaches classes in
statistics and conducts research in social psychology with my graduate students. When I write, I
report on the results of research that I have been conducting on different topics such as the tensions
between Anglophones and Francophones in Canada. I never write “opinion” pieces because I have
been trained as a scientist where personal views are not valued.
But today is different!
Today is different because today I will share my very personal story, or more specifically the story
of the child I want to adopt, Nikita, now a four and a half year old boy. Nikita is waiting for me, his
Canadian “mama”, at the Bishkek Baby House. He has been waiting since he was eight months old.
Nikita is dreaming of the day I will take the plane with him and bring him home. He does not
understand why I keep going to see him every single day for a month, and then abandon him for
many months, then come back to him, and then leave him again. This vicious cycle has been going
on for four long years.
More generally, I want to comment on the 65 children and families whose lives have been
destroyed because of the first moratorium on adoption that was imposed by Kyrgyzstan in February
2009. We are labeled the “Kyrgyz 65.” We, the Kyrgyz 65, were all given an official proposition of
a child by the Kyrgyz government. Immediately following the official proposition, I, like most of
the other “Kyrgyz 65,” travelled to Kyrgyzstan to meet and bond with our children. The adoption
process had begun, we had bonded with our children, we knew them intimately, and then came the
moratorium. A moratorium before bonding is difficult, but introducing a moratorium after the
bonding process is extremely painful for both the children and the adoptive parents.
Today
Today, in Kyrgyzstan there are rumors of a second moratorium or more additional delays on
international adoption. With a moratorium, the process of international adoption will again be
delayed.
That is why today I am writing to you about Nikita. Today, I am humbly kneeling down and
begging you, the Kyrgyz government and the Kyrgyz people, to open your hearts and let us, the
“Kyrgyz 65,” officially and legally adopt our children.
Please, do not hold another moratorium on international adoption.
Please, for those who have already bonded with their child, do not impose any additional delays in
the process, and this for the well-being of the children.
A second moratorium or any additional delays is more than just a delay, it is a catastrophe for the
long-term physical and psychological well-being of our children. Our children have special needs,
and were proposed to us by the government four years ago because of their special physical and
psychological needs.
What should I tell Nikita now? Can he understand that I love him? After the trauma of being
abandoned by his biological mother, will he understand that his Canadian mother loves him even if
she does not keep her promise to him that soon she will bring him home? How can a four year old
understand the politics of international adoption? Will my words prevent the permanent
psychological damage that will be Nikita’s fate if more delays are added to the adoption process? I
don’t think so.
Roxana
Over the past 10 years, the number of orphans in Kyrgyzstan has increased significantly. In
Kyrgyzstan alone, approximately 6 000 children are now orphans due to the difficult political and
economic conditions in the country. Kyrgyzstan welcomed international adoption in 2008 for the
first time in history because adoption by families from Kyrgyzstan, which is the preferred option,
was not sufficient to take care of all the children. Specifically, there were not enough parents to take
care of these needy children who are in desperate need of special physical and psychological care.
So, international adoption was opened to offer the chance for every child from Kyrgyzstan to
maximize his or her well-being.
Since 2002, I have had numerous opportunities to come to know the Kyrgyz Republic and its
people. I consider Kyrgyzstan to be my “second country” and I love it so much! I have been in
Issyk-Kul many times, even in the winter. I have worked in Bishkek for periods of time ranging
from 2 weeks to one year. In total, I have been to the Republic of Kyrgyzstan more than 10 times
since 2002, including one year working as a professor at the American University of Central Asia
During all my visits, I was also lecturing at various universities (Slavonic University, Kyrgyz
National University, and Bishkek Humanitarian University) as well as collaborating with Kyrgyz
colleagues, with whom I offered courses in statistics and research methodology. I have learned to
speak Russian fluently which helped greatly in my interactions with students and ongoing
collaborations with faculty. I have many friends, students, and colleagues here. When I come to
Kyrgyzstan, I live with one Babushka and her family, which have become like my own family over
time.
When Kyrgyzstan opened for international adoption in 2008, I dutifully completed the paper work
through my Canadian agency, Alliance des Familles du Québec. I always wanted to adopt a child in
need, and adopting from Kyrgyzstan was for me ideal because already, I considered Kyrgyzstan to
be my second country. For me, adopting from Kyrgyzstan has many advantages. I can easily help
my child maintain his language and also facilitate the development of a strong tie with Kyrgyzstan
and its people through my family here and my colleagues. Because I know the country and its
people so well, and because I have an on-going collaboration with universities in Kyrgyzstan,
Nikita is certain to benefit. Because I have seen Kyrgyzstan and lived there for long periods of time,
I can tell Nikita many stories about Kyrgyzstan’s history and its people. When he gets a bit older,
we are sure to make many visits to Issyk-Kul together.
Nikita
Nikita, was and still is, a child with special needs. But I am proud to say that I have contributed a lot
to his development. Anyone at the Bishkek Baby House can confirm what I am saying. The nannies
know that Nikita at eight months, when I first held him in my arms, could not hold his head up,
could not sit, and had his tongue hanging out all the time. He was a very weak child with pulmonary
problems. When I first met Nikita, he was very ill, small in stature and under-weight. I cared for
him, found medical care for him, and helped in his physical development (i.e., food, clothes, toys,
etc.). I have made several trips to Kyrgyzstan, usually for a one month period, once or twice a year.
On each visit, I spend time with Nikita every day socializing with him, and talking with him in
Russian, and taking care of his daily needs. When I am not in Bishkek with Nikita, there is not a
single day that I do not think about him. I loved him like my son since the very first day, and our
mutual attachment is very strong. In other words, my bonding with Nikita is mutual, emotional and
very solid.
First moratorium
By instigating the first moratorium in 2009, Kyrgyzstan wanted to improve their adoption process
so that its children would be taken care of. I understood that Kyrgyzstan needed to improve its
procedure for the well-being of the children.
Despite the moratorium, and despite my despair at having to wait more, I patiently waited so that
Kyrgyzstan could readjust itself and develop procedures for international adoption.
Of course, it was difficult for me, because nothing was ever clear. I was told after each delay that
there would be another delay, until the moratorium was finally lifted—about three years later. And
even then, I had to wait so that our agency could regain official accreditation, which we did in April
2012.
After every delay, I was told by the authorities, and by my friends: “Be patient Roxana! Just another
2 months! ” Despite my sadness and frustration, I understood that it was important for Kyrgyzstan
to develop an international adoption process it can be proud of. Again, all this for the well-being of
children.
But what about my Nikita?
Did Nikita understand, and does he understand now? No.
Nikita is too young to understand the politics of international adoption. In his mind, he had a
Canadian mother that kept loving him and abandoning him. First, he had a biological mother who
abandoned him when he was about five months old. He was then put in an institution and after three
months he was introduced to a Canadian mother. His Canadian mother, me, was with him, took care
of his physical needs and loved him more than anything for a month but then was forced to leave
Nikita for several months. I would then return for a month, only to leave again and then come back
and then leave, in an ongoing dysfunctional cycle. Every time I would see Nikita, I thought that it
was just another short delay. Never did I expect that it would go on for four years.
How can Nikita survive more delays and abandonment? How can I survive more delays and
abandonment?
A second moratorium? More delays?
On June 15th
2012 I was allowed to officially begin my second bonding with Nikita. I understood
that I had to go through the whole process again from the beginning. For Nikita, I was ready for
anything. As soon as Nikita saw me, he began running towards me and shouting “mama!” I held
him very tight, and told him in Russian that I love him, and that this time, in about three months, I
would be bringing him home. For years now Nikita keeps asking me the question: “Mama! When
are we taking the plane to go home?” At the orphanage, the nannies that take care of Nikita tell him
that his mother lives where a plane goes, and so these are the words that he knows. I don't have an
answer to that question. Because of my care over the years, Nikita is now more healthy physically,
despite his very small stature and his pulmonary problems. At a psychological level, he needs much
more help and love, and this is why I now worry every day. He is so hyper-active and can’t focus on
anything. The nannies tell me he does not listen to anyone. With me, I find him a little bit calmer.
However, I am worried about his intellectual development. I believe that he needs family structure,
stability and love, every minute of every day—not one month at a time every few months.
With the possibility of a second moratorium or more additional delays, I am worried that Nikita’s
development will be arrested, and that the impact of a new abandonment from my part --- in his
eyes --- will cause permanent psychological damage. As an example, when I was engaged in the
bonding process this last June, every time I would go away at lunch time or in the evening, he
would cry so much that I would hear him in the street when I was walking away from the
orphanage. My heart was broken every time. Imagine Nikita’s heart. The nannies told me that he
was always watching the window, before I came to the orphanage, both morning and afternoon, and
asking them: “When is mama coming to see me?” As soon as I arrived back in Canada after my
bonding, I phoned Nikita, and he asked me the same question three times: “Mama, when are you
coming back to me?”
A second moratorium or any other delay is not just another delay, it is a catastrophe for
Nikita!
Nikita needs a mother. I have committed to be his mother. He needs your help. He needs that you
do not hold another moratorium, or any other additional delays, because all he wants is a normal life
where everyday he can wake up knowing that his mother loves him more than anything else and
will take care of him. He deserves a permanent family to call his own.
My plea
Along with my Canadian agency, I can attest that we have followed the entire adoption process with
integrity. I have waited for the official letter allowing me to visit Nikita, even if that meant I could
not see him the moment I set foot in Kyrgyzstan or for many months after the first moratorium was
lifted. I have provided the Government with all the information they need in an expeditious manner.
I am grateful for the work that people in the Ministry of Social Protection do to protect the children.
I am convinced that with some minor adjustments, the overall process of international adoption will
become extremely efficient over the next few weeks. The Hague convention provides a rich
framework under which control is increased so that abuses are avoided. I believe that Kyrgyzstan
has the potential to become an example of integrity in international adoption that is applauded by
the international community.
I am pleading here again, begging, crying, so that the process of international adoption will continue
smoothly in Kyrgyzstan. I love Kyrgyzstan. And I always respected the fact that your country
wanted to have efficient procedures for international adoption.
But now. I am begging that you open your heart so that we who have already bonded with our
children can quickly adopt officially and legally our children without too much permanent longterm
physical and psychological damage to their well-being.
Please, I beg you, let Nikita be with me everyday and always.
